You are what you value - But how do you know what that is?

Photo Credits: Vlad Petrut / Dress Elen's by Tabita Gliga.

Photo Credits: Vlad Petrut / Dress Elen's by Tabita Gliga.

 

What are your true colors?

Most of us, never show our true colors. We mix the nuances and create a desaturated version of our true selves. We hide in the shadow of our own identity.

Our colors don't compliment each other, but rather bring about confusion, both for us, as well as the people trying to figure out why we do the things we do.

In most cases, we aren't even aware of the fact that we're not saying the things we mean to say, nor doing the things we think we should be doing.

Our image of ourselves is almost as fuzzy as it is for others. - And that's a problem.

We pay more attention to what we think others would expect from us, than to our own aspirations, skills or character traits.

We want to blend in, but not in a mass of grey, like we really do, but rather we tell ourselves we're riding the rainbow. Just like the people we admire. Where they have it all sorted out. Where their red flows seamlessly into orange, then into yellow. Where they can be both authentic and successful.

We try too, to be successful. Not so much to be authentic.

We try to find common ground with our heroes and work on it. We borrow words, get advice, buy the same T-shirts, go to the same gyms. But does it help? Does it make us more of them, or more of us? 

I guess the point I'm making is somewhere in the middle. While it's great to have people to model, icons to respect and mentors to learn from, it's just as important to figure out why we tick the way we do and find the solutions that are right for us. How else are we going to get the right teachers? The right people to model towards success?

We're unique - and that's no lie, it's just not as important as being accepted. At least, not until now. 

In the midst of the noise of the imagery that is pilling up on our screens, how can we stay true to ourselves? How can we NOT be influenced by other peoples values? Lifestyles? Beauty standards?

Is there a more authentic person somewhere underneath all that influence? All those trends? All those things you say to yourself to make you feel like a Madonna when you buy that dress that will save your night? But forget about it the very next morning? Those it talk about who you are? Or who you're trying to imitate?

 

I used to want the rainbow

You see. I've been there. I got all the clothes. I figured out how to step up my make-up game. I even ended up being the most popular girl in my high school.

I was the it-girl, the one that everyone wanted to be. But was I happier than any of the rest?

Was I honest to myself? Was I confident about my own tastes? 

Of course. At least that's what I thought. 

Then it happened.

I grew up.

I started figuring out that I had nothing figured out. At all.

I started wanting more from life than stares. I wanted more than free clothing or a daily dozen of compliments. I wanted to dig deeper, to see if this was all there was for me. If this was my destiny or if I was just playing the cards somebody put in my hands.

Putting on edgy clothing and cutting my hair extra short was a simple recipe to draw attention back then. Why would I take the hard way, if I knew the shortcut? I caught on to something that gave results.

But the shortcut was short lived. It got me there - Then what?

With all the attention on my hands, did I know how to put it to good use? To honour it?

I don't think I was. So here's what I figured out.

I started understanding that everything I stand for, must come from the inside.  And that, by all means, I must first understand my own values to know what I want in my life.

I must know why I believe the things I believe, so I can sort out if they're based on the truth, or on the environments I was exposed to. I must know who I want to be, in order to keep my path straight, to keep myself on track.

To keep getting better. Better at understanding myself and others. Better at building the things that bring joy and wonder in my life, and the lives of the people that I care for.

I understood that nothing I wear will ever have the emotional impact like the things I can say. Or the smile I can put on my face - or the tears I can let flow naturally, when I accept the fact that sadness is a part of life. That without bad, there is no good. 

I understood that no compliments are going to fill the void of true acceptance of my own flaws. That no outspoken blog is ever going to make up for the things I didn't say, when they most needed to be said.

For the ones that have been with me for a while, I'm sure you've already noticed how I started breaking my own walls. I've been breaking down my own beliefs and studying all the pieces, for over the past two years.

Ever thought of doing that? It feels like being literally reborn when you're finished. 

Growing is a priority to me. So is authenticity. So is having a voice. 

I promise you now, I will stand up for those values and if you bare to have patience with me to get enough clarity on my own, I'll help you fight your own demons and open up the skies to a new way of being, a new way of seeing things, especially yourself.

 

 

 
 

IF YOU DON’T SHOW OTHERS WHO YOU ARE, THEY’LL INVENT A PERSONA FOR YOU.

 

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One of the most thrilling parts was finding my own true colors. It wasn't easy though.

Let me show you why.

 

Everything you've ever dreamed of comes with responsibility

It's for the same reasons we hate taking decisions - a little thing called opportunity costs.

In other words, the sum of everything you're missing out on, saying no to and having to avoid, in order to hold up to the decision you've made. It's a matter of responsibility. Of owning up to your own values and doing whatever it takes to protect them.

Nobody wants responsibility, but we all want power. Isn't that the turn of the century?

But guess what? 

They're married.

With great responsibility comes great power, is an old quote. But if power is what you truly want, you're gonna love the responsibility just as much as you'll love the power, because you'll understand they're tied.

If I could promise you, that in a year from now you'll get the thing you most desire in life. Would you push it away? Could you not bare the weight of carrying the responsibility of your own success? Your own ideal relationship? Your own healthy body? Maybe not, but most of us would do just fine. Heck, most of us can barley carry the weight of NOT having anything we truly desire.

Whatever you want in life, if it's a beautiful house, a jaw dropping body or a killer career, you're gonna have to live with it once you get it. As long as you're careful what you wish for, it's gonna be great to protect the things you love. It will be part of who you are and it will give you a reason to live. These things truly matter to you, so you'll effortlessly accept the responsibility once you have the outcome.

 

Where things get Tricky

But here's the trick: you have to accept the responsibility BEFORE you get the outcome. Before your dream drops down from heaven in your arms.

Now that's a matter of just how much you want the things you want. And you better want them badly!

Here's the good part though: once you understand why you want what you want and how that is going to fit in the rest of your life, you'll be waaay more confident on taking on as much responsibility as needed.

Responsibility won't be the bad guy anymore. Nor the word nobody wants to say out loud.

When it comes to figuring out who you are and what you stand for, it's necessary to trace back to the very roots of things. And sometimes, most times, it just won't be too obvious.

What you think is true, is true for you. So you normally won't find anything wrong with the natural flow of your own thoughts. But that's the tricky part. They're in your head. Nobody can see them as clearly as you can.

Only you can figure this out for yourself. Let me show you how.

 

How you'll figure it out

You need some quiet time, a piece of paper and a pen.

No distractions, please.

The exercise is simple. You just need to answer this questions: What is important for me?  

Make a list of about ten things that first come to mind. Don't think about it too much, just let your hand write. I promise, you're subconscious mind already has all the answers, you just need to put them down on paper - and outside of your head.  

Do it now. Stop reading and do it now.

Okay. Once you have a few things down there, I want you to continue asking this question over and over again. "What about _______________ is important for me?"

Fill in the gap with one of the points you just listed. Then, once you have the answer, use the same question again and fill in the gap with your answer. 

It's gonna look something like this:

What is important to me?

1. My boyfriend

2. My career

3. .. 

1.1. What about my boyfriend is important to me?

Having someone to love me.

1.2. What about having someone to love me, is important to me?

So I can be more lovable. Maybe understand what there is to love about me?

1,3 What about being more lovable..

etc.

 

 

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Let the answers you give yourself surprise you, it's fine. No matter what need is at the root of all your behaviours, it's okay. It's human. 

This exercise will do magic to your conscious mind. I promise.

And it will lay down the starting blocks to figuring out what parts of your own life you approached the wrong way up until now. There will be some points where you'll notice that what you are doing, isn't really taking you to the things you need. Look for different solutions. Now you know where you're going, the road will be much clearer.

The more you realise about yourself, the more you'll be able to change or accept. 

 

Don't feel guilty for being who you are

In my case, there were a lot of things I used to feel guilty about. I felt guilty about all the things I couldn't do, but even worse, I felt guilty about all the things that I did and worked out for me. 

I felt guilty about having stuff others didn't. I felt guilty about feeling so much satisfaction from dressing up. I felt guilty for having an interest in fashion. I felt guilty about wanting to be classy, to be appreciated. I felt like I didn't deserve it. Like I had to justify for wanting to be graceful, loved or confident.

I feared I was going to be labelled as shallow, all though, for as long as I can remember, having an eye for beauty was what had set me apart from my peers. My dedication, my perfectionism were not easy to deal with, especially for myself.

Today, I'm okay with the way my mind works. I get it. I know how my past has affected my future, but I also know that from this point on, it's up to me to build a future I believe in. If there's room for fashion in there, great, but I don't care as much about that, as living up to who I am.

Even if I'm gonna change in the mean time. 

If I like pretty things, I'll use it in my advantage. I'll work in the arts, I'll bring beauty to the world. I'll use my talents to make this industry at least a little bit less shallow than it is today. 

And I'll do it by helping you do the same. 

I want to have you do the long and painful hours of asking questions. That's how you get there.

Just like in your teens. We need to rethink everything for as long as it all starts making sense to us. It must all be SO clear, you can sum it up in a sentence. In a single word or a single color. Everything you want, everything you believe in, everything you stand for and value. Everything you are is the result of these questions. 

Once you have the answers, your truth will be yours.

No matter if it's pink, blue or maroon, it will be you and it will be yours to keep forever. Nobody can take it away. You are the boss. You are the trend setter of your soul. And you'll love taking the responsibility for it.

Click play. Sing the song.

Send this to anyone who you think it might help and let's talk about all of it in the comment section. 

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