Don't ask me why I woke up so early, 'cause I honestly don't know. The alarm wasn't on and my dreams were just getting sweeter. I wasn't dreaming that I was home, only that he was with me, here, in Berlin. I projected my boyfriend next to me. Oh, and the feeling was so real.
* Poof * - it's gone. I'm awake now. I decided not to doze off and start my day early. In a capital city like this, there's so much to do, that every lost hour feels like a tragedy.
I get up and go in the kitchen. I make myself some tea and take a handful of Baby Bell from the fridge and get back in bed. My laptop heats up my lap and I wonder where to start.
I wish I could talk about everything, but I give up. - It's impossible.
I'll just start at the beginning. - It's the easiest.
E ora 7 dimineata.
Nu ma intrebati de ce m-am trezit asa de devreme, ca nici eu nu stiu. Alarma nu e pornita si visele mele abia se indulceau. Nu visam ca sunt acasa, ci visam ca sunt aici.. dar ca e si el cu mine. Mi-am proiectat iubitul in Berlin si sentimentul nu putea fi mai real.
*Puf* - s-a dus. Sunt treaza acum. M-am decis sa nu mai motai si sa imi incep ziua devreme. Intr-o capitala ca aceasta sunt atatea de facut, incat fiecare ora pierduta pare a fi o tragedie.
Ma ridic si ma duc in bucatarie. Imi fac un ceai, iau un pumn de Baby Bell din frigider si ma intorc in pat. Laptopul imi incalzeste poalele si ma intreb de unde sa incep.
As vrea sa pot cuprinde tot, dar ma dau batuta. - E imposibil.
Am sa incep cu inceputul. - E cel mai simplu.
It was the last day of August, and I was late at the airport. My eyes were tired, beaming red - only at 2am have I finished packing up and I had to leave Andrei's sleepy hug just two hours later.
I was leaving his side again. There was no time left, so we had to miss out on the long-long fer-well kiss. Standing alone on the plane, reality was creeping up on me and with a chill, I realized: "I left. It's just me now."
I had a hard time coping with my tears and was feeling like a lost child.. I'd never done this before.
I can't remember when I fell asleep, but I know I only woke up at the landing. This hour of sleep comforted me:
I remembered the enthusiasm with which I check my inbox day after day and my delight when the mail has arrived at last. - I was accepted! I received the scholarship that covered all my staying in Berlin this September. "Pfoa" - I was dancing around the house nonchalantly, proud that my grades had finally materialized into something big.
Soon I learned, that my friends had not received the same mail. - We imagined ourselves in a one crazy month in the big city, just us girls. - When I arrived I was even more surprised: I was the only one from my whole country who received this scholarships. Wow! Flattered on one side, terrified on the other. "Okay, so at least I know for sure that I'll only speak German."
But this I didn't know yet .. I was still in the airport. In fact, next to it, at the Lost & Found office. "Guess who lost her luggage?" Well, I spent over two hours there, waiting for it to be found.
I was calm. I took out a book and was reading my way deep into the story. It was easy lecture with tones of clichés about love. It amused me. I knew I my bag was about to be found in no time.
"We are very sorry, but we can't track the baggage. It wasn't inserted in the computer, nor did it show up at the deposit." a friendly guy announce me in German. He smiled - used to giving bad news. I left the book down, as well as my hopes. I went outside. I figured I should just go towards my accommodation.. It was raining.
All the things in my black suitcase, which was way past the 24kg limit, were roaming in my mind .. we had to bring our own bed clothes."That means I can't make my bed .. can't sleep .." I muttered silently, drained. "The towel! Nooo .." Oh! I couldn't even take a shower. My shoes, underwear, outfits, perfumes - everything, gone. I had a lump in my throat and I was not facing anyone. I just wanted to get there and get past this darned day.
It was Sunday, and Sunday there's no store open in Germany. I couldn't buy anything that I was missing from my bag. My face was burning from emotions and I was glad that in big cities people are too busy to worry about others. I wouldn't have wanted someone to notice how bitter I was.
Finally I found my address. Irushed to get ahead of my future roommates, up the stairs. I wanted to take hold of the best room! I came like a storm inside. Angry, rushed, unstable.
"Hi!" a girl said. She was leaning quietly from the room on the left. "This is your room .." she told me softly, with a strange accent, pointing to the right.
"Okay .. this didn't go as I imagined."
She kept me company until midnight. ( Xenia's her name, she's still asleep.) An intelligent, Russian, young woman with gray eyes stood on the other side of the table.
I poured it all out and she listened. I told her about my baggage, the brutal separation from my lover, my lost night, the hunger that was devouring me slowly and so on.
When I finished I felt much better. She took me to a Späti, a kind of Non-Stop shop, with just a few products, where I got something to chew on.
In a few hours the doorbell rang.
It was my luggage!
Ultimately I'm glad things turned out the way they had. I didn't have to carry so many kilos around town. I quickly made friends with Xenia .. and things started to take a happy turn.
Era ultima zi din august, iar eu intarziasem in aeroport. Avem ochii rosii, obositi - la 2 noaptea mi-am terminat bagajul, iar la 4 m-am ridicat de langa Andrei.
Plecam acum iarasi de langa el. Timpul ne presa si sarutul lung-lung, de cinema, l-am lasat pe altadata. Stand singura in avion, m-a palit realitatea: "Gata! Am plecat. Sunt doar eu."
Imi stapaneam cu greu lacrimile si ma simteam de-a dreptul infantila.. Nu mai facusem asta pana acum.
Nu-mi amintesc cand am adormit, cert e insa, ca m-am trezit doar la aterizare. Ora aceasta de somn ma imbarbatase:
Mi-am amintit de entuziasmul cu care imi verificam inboxul zi dupa zi si de incantarea mea cand mailul a ajuns insfarsit. - Am fost acceptata! Am primit bursa care-mi acoperea toata luna septembrie in Berlin. "Pfoa!" - dansam prin casa nonsalanta, mandra ca notele mele se materializeaza in ceva.
In scurt timp aveam sa aflu insa, ca prietenele mele nu primisera acelasi mail. - Ne imaginam o luna nebuna in metropola, doar noi, fetele. - Cand am ajuns am fost si mai surprinsa: eram singura din toata tara care primise bursa. Wow! Flatata pe de o parte, ingrozita pe de alta. "Okay, macar asa stiu sigur ca voi vorbi doar germana."
Dar nu stiam asta inca.. Eram inca in aeroport. Defapt, langa el, la biroul Lost&Found. "Oare mi-am pierdut geamantanul, tu ce zici?" Ei bine, am stat mai bine de doua ore acolo, asteptand sa-l gaseasca.
Eram calma. Mi-am scos o carte si ma adanceam in povestea ei. Era lectura usoara, cu clisee de dragoste. Ma amuza. Iar bagajul stiam ca-l voi primi imediat inapoi.
"Ne pare foarte rau, dar nu e nicaieri. Nu e introdus in computer si nici in depozit nu l-am gasit." ma anunta pe germana un domn amabil. Imi zambea, obisnuit sa dea vesti proaste. Am lasat cartea jos, la fel si moralul. Am iesit afara.. ma porneam spre cazare. Ploua.
In sinea mea enumeram toata lucrurile din geamantanul negru, care depasea cu mult limita de 24kg.. hainele de pat trebuia sa le aducem noi. "Asta inseamna ca nu-mi pot face patul.. mi-e somn.." mormaiam in gand, terminata. "Prosopul! Nuuuu.." Of! nici macar un dus nu puteam face. Pantofii, lenjeria, tinutele, parfumurile - s-a dus tot. Aveam un nod in gat si nu ma uitam la nimeni. Voiam doar sa treaca ziua.
Era duminica, iar duminica nu e deschis nici un magazin in Germania. Nu-mi puteam cumpara nimic din ce-mi lipsea. Imi ardea fata si ma bucuram ca orasele mari sunt pline de oameni ocupati - n-as fi vrut sa observe cineva cat eram de amarata.
Intr-un final am gasit si adresa unde ma cazam. Am urcat sus, grabita sa ajung inaintea viitoarei colege de apartament. Voiam sa pun stapanire pe cea mai buna camera! Am intrat ca o furtuna inauntru. Furioasa, grabita, instabila.
"Hi!" imi spune o fatuca, care iesea discret din camera de pe partea stanga. "This is your room.." imi spune simpatica, cu un accent ciudat, aratand spre usa din dreapta.
"Okay.. n-a mers chiar cum imi imaginam."
Am stat apoi cu ea la povesti pana la miezul noptii. ( Xenia o cheama, acum doarme in camera ei. ) O rusoaica inteligenta cu ochii gri statea pe cealalta parte a mesei.
M-am descarcat si ea ma asculta. I-am spus de bagaj, de despartirea grabita, de noaptea nedormita, de foamea si somnul care ma devorau si asa mai departe.
Cand am terminat ma simteam mai bine. Am mers impreuna la un Späti, un fel de Non-Stop cu putine produse, unde mi-am luat ceva de rontait.
In cateva ore a sunat cineva la usa.
In cele din urma ma bucurasem ca au decurs lucrurile cum au decurs. N-am fost nevoita sa car atatea kile dupa mine prin oras. M-am imprietenit rapid cu Xenia.. si lucrurile au inceput sa ia o intorsatura fericita.
There's someone at the door again!
I'm going to open.
It's Anna. My best friend here. A blonde doll faced young lady from Norway, a girl of exactly my taste. She wants us to go visit and do some shopping .. I can't say no.
I'm off, girls. - She's waiting. I'll continue the story next time..
Iarasi suna cineva la usa!
Ma duc sa deschid.
E Anna. Prietena mea cea mai buna de aici. O blondinda din Norvegia, ca o papusa de portelan. E o tipa exact pe gustul meu. Vrea sa mergem sa vizitam putin orasul si magazinele.. n-am cum sa o refuz.
Trebuie sa plec, fetelor. - Ma asteapta. Continui povestea data viitoare..