5 most precious moments I had in 2015
Hi folks! I have a confession to make.
I'm a very passionate writer and I love my blog like my baby, but when I feel I need a vacation and just keep my nose out of the internet for a healthy amount of time, then I'm bound to get disconnected. By the end of the week, I'll probably feel guilty as hell. Now, as much as I think this is legit, I still want to say sorry for just hiding away like that sometimes. You know, it's somehow my way of cleaning up my mind from all the influence social media has on my life - we all know it's addictive, right? But then again, I love how it connects people and ideas, how it gives life to moments otherwise easily forgotten and how it help share ones world with the rest of the universe. There's always a good side and a bad side to anything, so please take my apologies for not being around this Christmas. I was drowned in the satisfaction of having quality family time and not doing anything else than relax.
But hey! I'm here now! So, today I wanted to write a post that will recap a few very cherished memories I have had luck to collect this year. I'm not sure if I'm writing this for myself or for guys, to be honest, but I hope the truth is somewhere in the middle. Let's just say this one is for my readers that actually want to know the juicy stuff in my life, not just the tips and information they otherwise get around here. So let's get to it!
I want to start with the 2nd of June. For all you guys that don't know this yet, that's my very special day. I was born on that date in 1993.
This year, the day started with me and my lover having breakfast on a boat, in the middle of the lake.
We drove to the lake with a full picnic basket filled with croissants, cherries, strawberries and other goodies. Andrei sailed us away till we got far enough for it to be perfectly quite. It was such a serene morning in the middle of nature, with just him in front of me. I was so excited for the day, that I couldn't truly calm down, but I felt geniuenly happy and grateful to have such a moment in my life.
Whenever I think back of that morning, I remember just how blissful it was. Plain perfect in it's simplicity, just true love in the breaking of the day. I'm well aware that I'm only going to be young once, so it's times like these that will stay with me forever. But the day wasn't over! Andrei and my friends took me on a surprise trip to a castle I was dying to see. ( Castelul Huniazilor ) I'm still a wanna-be-princess deep down, no matter how old I got, and I just thought it was sweet that these people could notice. When we came back to the city, I was terribly sleepy and tired.
Spring time is both my favorite time of the year, but it's also when I get a horrible allergy that makes me sneeze every few seconds. For my Bday, I took some meds to keep me from feeling the allergy, but the side effect was strong too! I felt very tired. So when I was hoping my kidnappers would take me home, they actually didn't. I was getting white lies the whole day, as to what was going on.
So what did you know? We drove in a woods where a bonfire was waiting for me. All of my friends were there. I was taken off guard! I had no idea this was happening! For some reason I still can't quite explain, I didn't want to get out of the car. Just seeing all of them there, waiting for me, was an emotional gift that totally blew me away. I cried instantly, running for Andrei to hide me in his arms. I was still so mesmerized by everything, that I was pretty quite the whole night. I was just sitting there and enjoying.
It taught me just how important it is to have people care about you. I don't have big expectations from anyone, being mostly a loner my whole life, so this was wow-ing me more than any material gift ever could.
2015 also meant the day of my graduation.
I was one of the hosts of the event, greeting all parents into the aula. My family was there too.
When I was on the stage, I was kinda nervous of not making a fool of myself, but that feeling was quickly beat away by a more stronger one. Boy, I was trying SO HARD not to cry, that my voice was shaking as I spoke. A chapter of my life had just gone by and I knew my childhood was pretty much over. I contained myself until the whole thing was done and all teachers, students and parents were leaving the room.
Then, behind all of the crowd, I saw my dad weeping. I've always had issues with my father and our relationship is anything but simple, but right then, we had a moment. I was his baby that has grown up into a lady. We both hugged tightly and sobbed for a few long minutes in silence, while everyone in the room was loud and laughing. I've never felt so close to him my entire life and I'll probably carry that memory with me whenever I need a reminder that I should love family no matter what.
Leaving for the states was probably one of the most liberating moments I've ever had.
Going so far away, where nobody knows anything about you. The chance to reinvent yourself completely, to built relationship, dreams and a new life for yourself was nothing else than a wonderful thrill that made me feel so much alive. I wouldn't trade the summer of 2015 for anything in the world.
When we were away in the US, we got a message that changed us forever.
We had just found out that a very close and very loyal friend of ours had passed away.
There are no words to describe just how empty we felt inside that morning. I was hugging my boyfriend so tight, it probably hurt him. But he was numb. He couldn't feel anything but the pain of what had happen.
Our friend was his oldest friend, ever since they were little kids, they have been best friends. Ever since we are together, he had become a very good friend of mine too.
The news of losing him had set everything into perspective for us. From the meaning of life itself, to the way we act and communicate. We were questioning death and life more than any time in our puberty. It had just hit us straight in the face and we couldn't do anything to stop hurting, knowing very well it wasn't about us, it was about him.
The first days we couldn't think of anything else. The next few weeks we would still talk if over almost every night, but being so far away from it all, it somehow seemed surreal. Like it wasn't true. As if it was all a lie. First, we felt guilty for having left the country, thinking that it may had been different if we had been home, then, we thought it was for the better, because we got to remember him for the times he was alive, not being overshadowed by his tragic ending.
Now, I think you're wondering why I added this memory to the collection of the best times of 2015.
Here's why: After more than a month since we got the news, I was having a lucid dream in a morning. In the states, it was anything but common to oversleep. We had stuff to do all of the time, so I would usually be up at 7 or 8 am. This time, I was just keeping on dreaming, intentionally in a way, since I was well aware of what was happening. In my dream, there was nothing out of place. Normally, the reality of a dream is different. It has little glitches and weird things that seem all to normal while we're dreaming, but this time, there was absolutely nothing fictional about it.
I was in my bed, in the room I was in reality, nothing different.
I was In the states in my dream as well and I was aware that our friend had left us, when I saw him.
I knew it was out of the ordinary. Hell, I knew it was something that would happen just once. I wasn't scared at all of him. I was intrigued. I talked to him, not sure if he would respond. But he did. I asked if I could touch him, he agreed and I reached for his hand. I could feel it. In a fraction of a second, I jumped in a hug and cried deeply. I wanted Andrei to come in the room desperately, so he could see him too, but he didn't. Then, I realized, he would probably not be able to witness this anyway.
I let my friend go and asked him how he's been doing. How it feels to die. How it is to still be here, even after he had already passed away. He told me it wasn't too different. That there's so bliss, nor hell. That he's still living in a way, just that it's not like we imagine it to be. He acted like it was no big deal. He asked me not to worry about him and reassured me it would all make sense in the end. I was relieved. I still am. I would have been torn if I knew he would suffer.
Then, I woke up.
All of a sudden it was all gone. I was still in my bed, feeling so tired, as if I was never really asleep. I was so emotionally shocked by what I had just witnessed that I started crying hard. My face and my lungs were burning as I wept all alone in our bright room, so far away for anything familiar. I didn't cry like that when we got the news, not even when I saw Andrei breaking in front of me. It was the first time I truly let go. I allowed myself not to be strong anymore.
I texted Andrei, feeling the immediate need to talk to someone about it. I couldn't keep it all in for any second longer. When he answered, we were both stunned. He had also talked to him in his dream for the first time, that very same night. He had never dreamt with him before, nor does he usually remember his dreams. He had also cried that day, all out of the blue, even though so much time had already passed.
Our friend has helped us make peace with what has happened and he had said a late good bye, we were both yearning for.
I don't know how to explain it and I don't know what it was, but I know for sure that it has changed me forever.
After losing a friend this year, I had also gained one.
One day I received a message from a girl that wanted to get to know me. I don't spend too much time reading Facebook texts, since I feel anyone that truly wants to contact me, would do it formally, with an email, but anyhow, this time I saw it and answered quickly. She said she thought we've got a lot in common. I was pleased to hear so, flattered by her interest, so I agreed for us to meet up in a café one evening.
It felt weird before I got there. I've never done anything like that before.
I never was a big fan of talking to strangers over chats, especially to go on dates that way, but I guess here was my exception.
She had big round eyes and playful bangs. When we started talking it was almost as if I had known her all along.
I asked a bunch of questions. I wanted to know more about who she was, what she loves and what she hates, how she spends her time and so on.
When I would listen to her speak, I realized she was right. We were SO much alike. From the way she argumented her opinions, to what opinions she had, to her behavior, to her past experiences, almost everything.
Wow. She was so damn right.
I never met anyone that I found so much in common with. It was almost like we were the same, just in different bodies and different contexts. Of course, I liked her a LOT. We connected so easily that it practically set a personal record for me. We got into talking things highly intimate. It was the first time ever I took all the skeletons out of my closet with someone else. Hell, I think there were a few things I said to her, that I've never heard myself think, if you can imagine.
It was therapeutic, strangely satisfying and purely shocking how random this whole thing was. We spent 4 or 5 hours together, then we parted with a broad smile, knowing this would be just the beginning of a great friendship.
So? The lesson? You never know when something so special can come your way. Even in the most unexpected moments, there seems to be magic out there.
I'm done with my walk along the boulevard of my memories ( The boulevard of broken dreams is one of my all time favorite songs ). And I ask you do to the same. You don't have to have any writing skills or huge revelations - just write down what has truly touched your soul this year. If you do so every year, it will bring value to your time and your life, because you will consciously celebrate those moments again.
Dare to relive your life as many times as you want when you read your notes over and over again.
This here is the great power of words that I worship ever since I started blogging.
I don't know if it was entertaining for you guys, but this is my reality and I do my best to appreciate every minute of it.
I wish you a wonderful time with your loved ones this New Years Eve and throughout 2016!
Oh! And I do hope you a had enough warmth this Christmas to keep you soft inside the whole year round.
Best wishes and loads of love,